News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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