Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
her vagine was all disorganized.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize