call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
