I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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