was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
