Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
