It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
