im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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