my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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