it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Help me help you realize you are a moron
God, I missed his penis.
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