im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she looked like the before picture.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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