I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
