What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
