dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
