First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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