when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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