so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
