I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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