I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The adults are the big ones right?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
