she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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