Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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