I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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