well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
