I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
