So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
