i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize