Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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