It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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