the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
