wakey wakey hands off snakey
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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