I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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