On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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