But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
