I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
