put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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