The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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