we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
