i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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