Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
