I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
