I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize