We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
