I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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