hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
