she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
