I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
