I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
