dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
