I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
