To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
