If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
