I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
