She's JV to your varsity
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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