we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
