I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
