Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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