let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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