yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
