i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
