Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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