I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
