Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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