Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
