She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
