3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
