I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
