sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
