M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
