Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
